I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
