He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I deserve this hangover.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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