omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
