I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I cannot find my penis.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
