You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
