i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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