insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
why do cheetos always look like penises
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
