i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
