I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
