hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize