Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
