I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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