By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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