He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
