She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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