Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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