I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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