just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
