I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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