someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
