Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You need a sexual gate keeper
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
