i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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