I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
