If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
