tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
