YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
