Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize