Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
