dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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