I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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