I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
