I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
