The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
