I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
