My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
