well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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