DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
