tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
