i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
