That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
