im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
