I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
