Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
