I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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