I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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