is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
