When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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