If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
