Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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