someone get that fucking seahorse.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
