this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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