I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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