Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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