after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize