Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
