my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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