So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
wow bdsm is so cute
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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