I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i now understand why vodka
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
