....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
