Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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