For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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