I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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