dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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