It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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