Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
