I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
