I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
